AUTHOR: Peter Dunne
In 2002 UnitedFuture reintroduced the issue of family onto the New Zealand political landscape. It had become a dormant issue over many years as family form had changed and what we now describe as political correctness had increased to the extent that family had joined politics and religion as one of those issues “best not talked about.”
Since 2002, the issue of family has become mainstreamed, with all the major parties now claiming to be family friendly and flagship policies like the Families Commission and the Working for Families tax credits introduced. All that is good and should be welcomed. But more needs to be done yet before we can truly say that parents and families are properly valued in our society.
Less welcome and more disturbing has been the emergence of extreme, right wing groups seeking to highjack the family message for their own ends and to portray those who do not subscribe to their narrow agendas as anti-family. All they do alienate so many people with their rabid message, and turn away many others of more moderate persuasion, wary of promoting issues about parenting and families, lest they become tarred by the extremists’ brush. And family will then surely become a “best not talked about” subject once more, to the detriment of our society.
Good parents and good families come from right across the political and socio-economic spectrum. It matters not whether they are radical or conservative, rich or poor. What links them together is that they all share the common defining characteristics of being the source of love, nurturing and connection for children, and the point of identification, support, comfort and joy for all of us as we grow older.
Those features. not some rigid pre-determined form, define the institution of the family and give it its worth and relevance as an institution well worth preserving. In an ever changing world, we must never make the mistake of treating the family as having one shape only, for all that will do is alienate and embitter those who do not fit that model. And the losers from that intolerance are the children because every child, whatever their circumstances, has a right to the love and attention of both their natural parents, regardless of the form of their relationship, because no child has the luxury of being able to choose their parents.
Sadly, parents and families are the most overlooked group in our society at present. If you buy a car or a household appliance, it will come with not only a warranty, but also a full set of operating instructions, and detailed after sales service provisions. But become a parent and you are on your own. There is no after sales service programme, or warranty period – you are assumed to know it all. And if you dare ask for help or advice, then our caring society comes down on top of you as though you are the problem, you are the one who cannot cope, and you are the one failing as a parent.
The challenge for family policy for the future is not the narrow-minded preoccupation with family form, but the wider focus of family function, and how that can be enhanced. Policies around good parenting, valuing children, affordable housing, decent incomes, inclusion and openness are what will count and excite people’s interest. That means respecting people for what they are, not what we might think they ought to be, and encouraging to get on with their lives to the best of their abilities. In short, the classic Kiwi ideal.